Mj Lenderman live on Mr. Freds

Every block, I will be publishing one live performance. I intend for each of these performances to encapsulate the block I am living in. I will take into account

•  the weather
• current events
• my mood 
• other people’s moods 
• the shoes my professor chooses to wear 
• the amount of colorful socks I see
• if my plants are still alive 
• if I see any cool bugs
•  how funny my reels are
• if slither io is working 
• if rastles has ice
• how active @aldo2swag has been on social media 
• card games played
• Many other things 

I hope that by reading this, you can enjoy an interesting, hopefully excellent performance that reflects musical talent and changes how you listen to the artist. I also hope to reflect and make an archive of how different experiences affect how I listen to and appreciate music and performance.

Before we get into block 6 review, I must acknowledge the elephant in the room… I did not write for block 5. I know I am letting you guys down, and I want everyone to know I hate myself for it every day. Just so you all don’t feel lost in this gap of my absence from the Sounds of Colorado College blog, I will give you some information. Block 5 was extremely awesome, but I did not anticipate it to be. I found so much peace in my time at home over winter break, and I worried that that peace was a result of my removal from Colorado College’s campus. The anticipation of my return was one filled with anxiety and, to be quite honest, dread. During my first week back, this dread seemed valid. I felt as though I had lost the peace I found at home. But throughout the block, I was filled with an overwhelming sense of gratitude. I constantly looked around and realized how lucky I am to be surrounded by so much love and creativity. I found that there was so much to do and I was lucky to be surrounded by people who love doing things.

The performance of this block is Mj Lenderman on Mr. Freds

Block 6 hello!!!! Block 6 represents a middle ground. In December, there is a beauty in the cold and an appreciation for the quiet that comes with snow. January is a time of change and an attempt at good habits. There is comfort in staying inside and going to bed early when you are trying to be a better version of yourself. Late March holds the buzz of spring, the thawing of rivers, and the clarity of an extra hour of sun. But February, ooooooooo february. – _ – February just makes you realize that you didn’t actually do anything in January. That going to bed early isn’t self-care, it is just you avoiding being awake. Summer isn’t something to look forward to yet, but rather something to figure out. Creative outlets become a form of procrastination in the face of the looming need to apply or commit. Early March is just a reminder of deadlines and confusion about how it is no longer February. It’s not all bad, and this block wasn’t either, but I found that there was an undeniable boredom that stemmed from a shared blanket of seasonal depression. 

I have felt this way about February since I was a kid. I have always experienced a year-round, all-encompassing dread for the month. Due to this dramatic lifelong aversion to the time, I now know what to expect. I know it is temporary, even when it feels like it has never been any better. Because of this, I can navigate and mitigate its ability to inhibit my everyday life. But through this block, it became clear that I was not alone in my feelings. I just wanted to say that for anyone who resonates with the feelings I have described: you were not alone in that. That doesn’t change anything, but it was overwhelming how many people I talked to who mentioned feeling sad, helpless, and uninspired. Sometimes knowing you weren’t alone helps to remind yourself you’re not crazy.

OKAY, sorry the long intro felt necessary in light of my intense feelings about the time period, but after a thorough search, I have decided that MJ Lenderman on Mr. Fred’s was a fitting choice for block 6. 

The video opens with Mr. Lenderman sitting cross-legged in a chair in a parking deck in “Beer City USA, Asheville, North Carolina”. Sitting in that green chair, he really looks like a dude you would just see around. Like the type of guy you would just chill next to while waiting for a table at California Pizza Kitchen or something. After introducing himself, he starts the set with a song I don’t know. This sets the tone for the performance for those who do not already know him. It displays his unique lyrical talent. He doesn’t write funny songs but uses humor to depict the human experience. “Of course I know we are so small, I put it in perspective, but I still can’t help believe that one day I’ll have it all.”

He then goes right into “I wish”

I never did my math or Spanish homework in Middle School. I would tell my teachers that I was trying, but, really, I would do just about anything to avoid it. I found security in the in-class assignments, but if I had to do it at home, there was just no shot. I assumed that I would grow up and find one of those jobs where I would just show up, do it, and then leave. Like, probably an astronaut, because I would just kinda pull up, go to space or whatever, then come back and chill. In Block 6, I was consumed with figuring out summer and next fall, and was constantly reminded that if I want to live in this world, homework will always exist. 

The song ends with him repeating “I woke up embarrassed.” 

I was so tired this block. I often decided to go to sleep between 8-9:30 and wake up early to do my homework. This choice pretty much always seemed like the right one before I went to bed, but when I woke up and started work, I realized I could’ve done it the day before. It wasn’t that I had to finish my work in the morning because of it’s abundance, I simply chose to spend my time doing other things.

After finishing “I Wish” he says, “The world  feels like hell right now, and I don’t know the half of it”

The world is crazy right now. I wonder if it ever isn’t? I am in a constant battle between seeking to understand and being afraid to know. In block 6, every day I woke up feeling like the world was on fire, I could feel the smoke, but I couldn’t tell which fire it was coming from.

The strong presence of his guitar brings us into the next song. “The Fair” feels like he invaded my mind and took both the feelings and words from my childhood. Surely he was on my 6th-grade field trip to the fair? How could he not have been? His voice evokes an emotion in me that can not be described in any way other than nostalgia. The guitar carries us through the song, while his voice guides us toward an understanding of the feelings it evokes. I tear up, and I’m not sure why. This does not relate to my block, but the beauty of this song can not be ignored 

He follows up with a tune that I have listened to non-stop. The opening line lingers in my mind long after the song ends: “Embarrassed to feel blue in my Halloween mussel suit, but didn’t have the words to tell you.”

I often found myself surrounded by love and joy with no words to explain why I had an overwhelming urge to go home. It’s embarrassing to be sad when you know you’re in a room playing “2010s top hits”, drinking wine from a $2 chalice.

The song continues as the melody remains relatively simple, but his  lyrics create a story that is both tangible and relatable. Its almost as if he puts words to the things I struggle to articulate in the morning at rastles “There’s nothing worse than dancing when you don’t wanna. So I try to stay busy winning at beer pong.”

I read 2 books, journaled around 30 pages, and made millions of crafts this block to avoid doing everything that had a deadline. The ultimate form of avoidance, in this case, procrastination, disguises itself as productive. My room is the cleanest when I have a paper due the next day, and my room was spotless for this 3 and a half weeks.

Finally, the performance ends with a short version of “someone get their grill out of the rain”. I love this song so much, and it is just the perfect way to conclude the performance. 

I sometimes worry that bad experiences will taint good memories, but I don’t think that’s true. Throughout block 6, I doubted that my joy would ever return, but as I finish writing this, a week into block 7, that sadness feels distant and trivial. I am lucky to be in a space filled with so much love.

I want to emphasize that my experience this block was not all bad. I write about my sadness in the practice of honesty, not to cause worry. Sometimes you are sad, and I started this series to document how I felt and how music reflects those feelings, and I will not pretend they are always good. Thank you for reading, and will see you after block 7.