(Peter Kim, Emily Laur)
The custom of gift giving is significant due to the representation of interpersonal relationships in Asian cultures. In Asia, the meaning of individual gifts can represent signs of respect, lasting friendships, and longevity or bad luck, severance of relationships, or death. Japan, South Korea, Thailand, Indonesia, Malaysia, the Philippines, China, Taiwan, Hong Kong, and Singapore are examples of countries in which gifts are especially prominent and the rules of etiquette behind the practice of gift giving most important. This article will focus on gift giving practices in China and Korea.
In China the significance of gift giving comes from the Confucian values, more specifically those of maintaining harmony with one’s family, friends, colleagues, and society. In this sense, gift giving demonstrates this harmony by exhibiting an offering of respect to elders and superiors, thus showing a commitment to maintaining those close relationships. In general, items from home countries, regional specialities, wine, cigarettes, or cigars (well known and higher end brands), food (especially peaches), health supplements, and teas (especially rarer and older blends) are welcomed and accepted as appropriate gifts. In contrast, certain gifts are viewed as taboo or auspicious resulting in an end of a potential friendship or business relationship. Sean Upton-McLaughlin expanded on these in his article The Art of Giving Gifts in China, providing several examples:
“Clocks (though not watches) should be avoided, as the word for clock in Chinese can be associated with death. Pears should be avoided, as the word for pear in Chinese sounds like the Chinese word for leaving or parting. Umbrellas also possess a phrasing that can be associated with the breaking up of a friendship or partnership and are best not given as a formal gift. Specifically for men, green hats are not a good choice as a gift – these have been historically given to husbands by unfaithful wives.”
Gift giving in China is further complicated with the belief in 礼尚往来( Lǐ Shàng Wǎng Lái) or ‘courtesy demands reciprocity.’ This phrase explains that to maintain an equal and harmonious relationship, one must keep a tally of gift giving within a friendship. For example, when a Chinese person is treated to a meal by a friend, the expectation is that the kindness will be returned at a future date. A reciprocated gift that is perceived to be too extravagant could be viewed as bribery or charity. At the same time, giving a lesser gift implies a stingy character.
In Korean culture, gift giving is a significant part of life because the culture emphasizes the importance of setting a good image. Different occasions call for different types of gifts. A thoughtful gift can set a great impression on the host, which is important for setting the mood. For dinner invitations, it is a common courtesy for the guests to bring fruit, pastry, dessert, flowers, or wine. For housewarming parties, guests will bring household items such as candles, laundry detergent, or toilet paper; however, the most common gift is money. Although, this may seem unthoughtful from the Western perspective it is perceived as normal in Korea. Business gifts are still common in Korea and are presented during the first meeting. The gift is intended to set the foundation for the relationship and is often reciprocal. Additionally, it is also common for Korean businessmen to give gifts to those who have helped them or those who may assist them in the future. Although this bears the negative connotation of bribing in Western cultures, Koreans do not consider this a taboo. Instead, it is seen as a gesture of thanks for potential help in the future.
There are general unspoken rules and expectations of gift giving in Korea. Since Koreans pride themselves in modesty and humbleness (true oxymoron), they will often apologize for the gift’s insignificance even if it is of high value. The receiver of the gift accepts it in a humble manner as well, often flattering the value of the gift and saying how undeserving they are of the gift. When a gift is received, it is never opened in front of the giver and there is no note of thanks. In addition, the presentation of the gift is arguably as important as the gift itself. Gifts should be wrapped nicely in yellow or green-striped wrapping paper, which is a traditional wrapping design. They should not be wrapped in dark or red paper as they are associated with unpleasantness and should not be used in gift giving.
