By Paikea Kelley and Linnea Anderson
In the midst of Utah’s annual summer music festival, Kilby Block Party, a youthful musical duo put aside the time for a job interview.
They did not come dressed for the occasion, sporting jeans, t-shirts, and a cropped red hockey jersey.
They did, however, humble us with their (collaborative) elevator pitch.
“You know, sometimes you feel sad. And then sometimes you feel gay, and sometimes you feel like a woman, and sometimes you feel like a man, and sometimes you don’t feel like anything. And sometimes you feel like you just want mint chocolate chip ice cream. And sometimes you feel like you need Java, which you don’t. But what you really need to be doing is listening to Hey, Nothing.”
Convincing? We thought so. We proceeded with our questions.
1. What is Your Biggest Weakness?
Harlow: None.
Tyler: “There was a period of my life when I was in high school, during the summer, where I would eat a whole watermelon every two days probably.”
Harlow: “It was out of control. He got chest pains. I think his blood sugar was insanely high.”
Interviewer Notes: Chest pains, inability to restrain oneself. May have to review our healthcare and insurance plans with the two. Much to think about.
2. Describe a Time You Overcame Adversity.
Harlow: “I don’t know, not much adversity in our lives.”
Tyler: “We were pretty privileged people. Pretty and privileged…I mean there were some rough moments in highschool….[but] I don’t believe in medicine so I’m just wallowing in it [despair]…I have watermelon.”
Interviewer Notes: Self sufficient, healthcare plan does not have to include therapy.
3. Psychological Test: Draw the First Thing That Comes to Mind.
Harlow
Tyler
Interviewer Notes: …
4. High School GPA?
Harlow:
Tyler:
Interviewer Notes: Yikes. Next Question.
5. Previous Work Experience?
Tyler: “I worked at like a cookie dough place that served edible cookie dough, as like a dessert. It lowkey felt like a drug cover. The guy kinda looked like Walter White that owned it…I was there every day and maybe like two customers would come in every day. So like there’s no way they stayed in business for like two years. There’s no way they actually had a stable business model.”
Interviewer Notes: As an employee of an ex-money laundering scheme, our interests peaked. However, accusing an ex-employer of money laundering on no real grounds other than vibes may lead to problems for ourselves down the line.
Harlow: “El Porton – it was a Mexican restaurant, like it is so good. I was the only white person working there.”
Interviewer Notes: It seems Harlow was a diversity hire for El Porton. Demonstrates an ability to work well with those different from themself.
6. How Would You Describe Your Work Ethic?
Tyler: “I was a great employee.”
Harlow: “Yeah, I think I slayed the shit out of that job [El Porton].”
Interviewer Notes: Profanity.
Harlow: “They got mad at me one time because a guy died while I was working, like in the restaurant, and I said ‘I have to go home.’ And they were like, ‘why?”’
Despite all that, they both claimed to be good workers, and we believed them. Their ability to banter and bounce ideas off one another fostered a creative and collaborative partnership.
But it wasn’t always that way. The two met at a mere eleven years old, and it wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows (happy Pride Month).
Harlow: “We thought each other were annoying.”
Tyler: “And we still think that, but it’s just weird, we just live together you know.”
Harlow: “We live together and we’re raising a cat”
Whether it’s their shared sarcasm or talent, something kept them together after their debut performance at a middle school talent show. The tune they chose? House of Gold by Twenty One Pilots.
Gradually they moved away from covers and created their own sound, one that was once prescribed as “tweemo ‘Big Thief’” by a music journalist. They said they aligned with that description. A red flag for our marketing department.
As all employers do, we attempted to dig up dirt on them. Luckily, we didn’t have to look far because it’s proudly displayed on their public Instagram.
After following @heynothingatl on Instagram, we quickly received notifications from the app inviting us to join their broadcasting channel “vape nation”. A name assumingly promoting the use of nicotine products to their fellow barely twenty-year-old audience. We did no further scavenging. Another ding on their not so clean record. But despite their unprofessional approach, their charisma and love for their fans stands out.
And if we weren’t convinced of their work ethic by this point, their performance nearly earned them the job…
Tyler and Harlow took to the stage in the afternoon at Kilby Block Party.
“We’re about to blow your minds,” Harlow promised the audience.
They certainly did. With mosh pits, guitar riffs, and shrill screams from the audience, they commanded and commemorated the crowd, stating: “You guys are fun.”
In both the job interview and performance, the duo was sure to mention their affinity for the TV show The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives. After watching the first episode, we found this both charming and alarming. On account of their extensive knowledge of the state, they had some expectations for Utah, claiming that their favorite performance ever once took place here. The crowd cheered.
It seemed this one was going to beat it out, the way the audience and performers were thrashing around.
At one point, the duo commanded the audience to argue with each other. Fits of rage overcame the dance floor. Despite personally partaking in the chaos, we found this to be an ineffective approach to conflict resolution in a work environment. Noted.
But before a real fight could break out, the sounds of feeling like a woman, or a man, or wanting mint chocolate chip ice cream carried the members of “vape nation” back to reality.
We observed just how skillfully Tyler and Harlow could perform their tasks at hand, and just how dedicated they were to working a crowd. At one point, they even got on top of each other, grinding and all. This was a red flag for our HR department.
Eventually, we were forced to confront our purpose for being here: Would we hire them?
No. They should stick to playing music instead. They’re good at it.
Wow! This is so awesome! Love the job interview format.