Playlist for a Friend

This was written on February 14th, 2026.

If you are in my life in any way, I’m sure there are songs that remind me of you. This Valentine’s Day, I’m listening to specific songs and thinking a lot about my friend, Connor. Connor passed away a year ago today, and I figured it could be nice to share some of my favorite of our music-related moments.

I’m going to do so in the form of a mini playlist.

“Cowboy” by Kid Bloom

Connor and I met at the Denver Kid Bloom show in March of 2024. I went with my sister, and we typically keep to ourselves at shows, so I was slightly shocked when he came up to us unprompted before the show started. However, I was so glad he did. He had just moved to Denver the week before and was looking to make friends. We talked and talked, and once the show started, the talking turned to dancing. I remember that my sister kept laughing in my ear about how dorky we looked. Neither of us was very good at dancing, but I didn’t really care. We ended up exchanging numbers, and I kind of just knew that we would end up being good friends.

“Chasing Waves” by Vista Kicks

I think it was maybe sometime in May of 2024 that Connor and I went to the Museum of Contemporary Art in Denver. The weather was getting warmer, and I bought a tan sundress for the occasion. I had also just put together a spring/summer playlist of all of my favorite warm-weather songs for Connor to listen to that week. Of course, this was the playlist that was played in my car on the way to the museum. I can’t remember what all we talked about on this car ride, but I do remember being suddenly interrupted as “Chasing Waves” by Vista Kicks came on shuffle. “Avery!! This is my favorite song on the playlist!” I looked over, and he was grinning with excitement. I just laughed and turned the song up to full volume.

“Gamesofluck” by Parcels

While being friends with Connor, I learned that he makes it an annual tradition to road trip for Bonnaroo. I remember being so insanely jealous because I was working at DMNS full time over the summer and couldn’t just pack up and leave. However, Connor did send me maybe the most concert videos I’ve ever received from a person. His favorite performance of the weekend was Parcels’ late-night set. Apparently they were going to be at Red Rocks two nights later, and they were live streaming their show. Of course, Connor sent me the link the night of the show, and we watched it together. Not really together. We just texted the whole time. He was so excited to be reliving the show and so excited that I was also watching. I remember that he would text me every. single. song title as they played, and “Gamesofluck” happened to be a mutual favorite.

“Everything Means Nothing to Me” by Elliott Smith

This is my favorite music-related moment with Connor.

Anyone that knows me knows that I love Elliott Smith. Like maybe an absurd amount. On August 6th, 2024, it was both Elliott Smith’s birthday and the 10-year anniversary of the Elliott Smith documentary, Heaven Adores You. I LOVE that documentary and was beyond excited to see that a theater in Denver was going to have one showing that night. About a month before the showing, I was sitting on a restaurant patio having dinner with Connor, complaining that no one wanted to see the documentary with me. I had already bought two tickets because I really didn’t want to go alone. I didn’t really expect Connor to be particularly interested in the Elliott Smith documentary; I just needed to complain for a moment. However, I was shocked when he interrupted me to say, “I’d go with you.” I paused mid-sentence and just sort of looked at him for a second before responding with a really surprised “really??” All he said was, “Yes. Tell me the day, and I’ll be there.” I couldn’t hide my smile.

The day of the showing, I was at work at DMNS, and Connor texted me that he was really excited to see the documentary. I learned that he had never actually heard of Elliott Smith before I brought him up, but he was really excited to learn about someone that I loved so much.

I won’t make this super long and go into all of the details of the showing, but I will share one thing. My favorite part of the documentary is when they play a clip of Elliott Smith playing “Everything Means Nothing to Me” on The Jon Brion Show. It’s such a beautiful performance, and it gives me goosebumps every time I watch it. After the documentary was over, Connor seemed sort of at a loss for words. The only words he got out to me after a moment were, “What was that last song??” We stood there in the movie theater hallway as he added “Everything Means Nothing to Me” to his library.

I randomly got updates about new Elliott Smith songs he was listening to from that night on.

“Walk in the Park” by Slow Caves

Less than a month after seeing the Elliott Smith documentary, I left to study abroad in Ireland. Connor happened to also be in Europe for a bit while I was there, and I received several photos from him. My favorite being a live photo of him waving across the ocean in the direction of Ireland from where he was in London. While he was in London, I recommended that he listen to Slow Caves’ newest EP, Tension. Coincidentally, as he was biking through Hyde Park, “Walk in the Park” came on shuffle. Of course, I received an excited text and several photos.

“You Don’t Know the Shape I’m In” by MJ Lenderman

Once I left for Ireland, I never did end up seeing Connor again before he passed. I texted with him the week before, but that was all.

About two weeks after I heard the news of Connor’s death, I found out MJ Lenderman was going to be playing in Colorado Springs in just a few days. I had only heard “Wristwatch”, but I loved the song and had a feeling it would be a good show. I went back and forth with myself for a few days about whether or not I could get myself to go. Connor had become my concert friend, and something about going to a show but not being able to at least text him afterwards felt wrong. However, the day of the show, I convinced myself to buy a last-minute ticket. This was the first show I had ever gone to by myself, and I wasn’t sure that I really wanted to be there. That was until the band came on. I genuinely think this show changed my brain chemistry in some way, specifically when they began to play “You Don’t Know the Shape I’m In.” I stood off to the side, Angry Orchard in hand, mouth agape, with tears in my eyes. I thought a lot about Connor in that moment. When I got home that night, I think I played that song like 10 times as I lay on my bedroom floor. For some reason, nothing has helped me more with my grief than that song. Listening to it as I write this, I’m reminded just how good it is. I’ll probably listen 10 more times.